我...快乐吗？

我对每个朋友都那么好

他们是怎样想...我就不知道了

他们叫到我帮忙，我一定帮        如果我能帮

但是他们重来没看到我的好意

我真的不知道为什么

我时常对他们说，“我什么都可以,只要大家高高兴兴我就开心了”

The question is, "Am I happy with what I did and what I said?"

我这样说      我是真的快乐吗？

对！有时真的很高兴很快乐

但，有时是真的会不高兴

因为他们根本没那么想。

我对他们的好，他们根本看不到。

有什么事我都会想到他们

那我呢？

谁会想到我？ 谁会对我好？

我只是想用我的真心对待朋友而已

真的有那么难吗？

善良对待每个人          有错吗？

真心对待每个人          有错吗？

每次有什么事，我都会帮你们讲话。

都后来，错的是谁？  是我吗？

为什么是我的错！     难道你们就没错吗？

对我错！  错在我太在意你们了

My false!  Because of my soft heart

这样做，我真的会快乐吗？

也许，我不是真真的快乐！

你最近还好吗？

Fight

Morning peeps

Another great morning which I need to wake up earlier

To catch up with my assignment, my revision and even tough for me is lecture classes

Today I need to attend lecture classes from 10 am to 6 pm without rest.

MYGODNESS

Sleep in the class is a compulsory things tat I done it almost everyday lecture classes

Anyway, final is here which means holiday also around the corner

That is the end point of this semester.

To final, I will fight for it

To holiday, I will enjoy it

Isolation

Pek Cekkkk!!!!

Sibeh Dulan 

Start next year, I will try to isolate myself.

I will only talk with people when I think it is necessary for me to talk

Assignment's group, in consideration

Outing with friends, buddies, family still in consideration

For sure, laugh, talk, chit chat all will be conducted if there is necessary for me to do so.

-

I will definitely isolate myself

Go faculty, Back kk

All by myself

-

At here, University's life 

All the people appear in my life is just course-mate and mutual friends

What best friends, best mate, best buddy, best jimui.

All just nonsense for me right now!

-

对别人好，只会害到自己吃亏而已

我不要再当那个傻婆了

对，我看到我身边的人开心我就开心

但  你们有想过我吗？！

你们也要会做人啊！

我不是傻到完地！

-

ISOLATION is the BEST solution to solve my problem.

Love busy

Most of the people always said that I'm always busy

Said that I'm a corporate lady in future

Why I always busy?

Do you all really think that I love to busy like hell?

No!

I just want to make myself busy

So that i would not think of past

I hope I would be busy for my whole entire life

So I would be recover from the pain

5 years...It already been 5 years

I could not forget what you have done on me

I always lie to people that I don't like all the love love stuff

The main reason is YOU

The pain still in my heart

That I already use 5 years to recovered

Do you think that I'm all alright

Once I remain silent without doing anything 

Then I will start to think the past

Every time I'm thinking of our past, my tear will start to drop down to my cheek

The feeling is really SUCK

Now I'm too silent in a room

And make me start thinking of our past

Long Time

Dear blogger,


I was missing for a few month 
It's not a few month, it's is more than half year since my last blog is on April, 2013.
Everyday thinking to update my blog but lazy and busy 
Busy from April 2013 until the break which was on last June then continued to rest until September.
I even do not felt like touching my laptop at all since it was school break (home) and I need REST.
Later school reopen and my life is totally busy like hell...do you all know what I meant. 
Ya, definitely It was fucking busy like hell
I even do not have my own privacy time
Phone rang, Facebook have message everyday, checking and replying email 4 days a week.
I just don't have much time to rest.



Now, I'm busy with my club activity
The most emo matter is I found out that everyone has change as the time pass by
Sometimes I really even don't want to bother it
but I could not make it because they are my friends
Friends already been one part of my life
Everyone just change suddenly... It is like freaking awkward for me
Why everyone just care about them self
I really don't understand at all.



Sometimes I need find someone who really can understand me
Is there really someone who understand me that I am able to share my problem
Actually there was and it maybe I too believing in myself and do not trust anyone else accept myself
Thus, I don't dare to share my problem to anyone.
I just keep hiding it in myself



If I just said that hiding the problem in my heart make me feel OK
I guess I was totally wrong
Sometimes it really make me so down but I even can't express it through my face
Because I scare someone will see through my face
I just don't like people walk into my heart
Is there anyone understand me???
Although I seem like crazy laugh everyday
Everything I do is just want to hide my stupid problems
I know that some of the peoples will think that I'm idiot
For your information, I also think the same way



I know that most of the people think that I'm strong in every aspect
That why I need to be strong
Do you all think that I like this perception that most of the peoples have
NO! because it was too tiring.
when people have that kind of perception on you means that you are NOT allow to make any mistake
This life is not a normal life for me... It is not the thing that I want
Do you all really care about me
What I want is a normal life
Go class happily, after class relaxing
This semester make me feel like there is no uni life in my everyday life
I fucking hate my life 

Flip Out

Received my mid term exam result   
< managerial economic I >

The result caused me EMO

Really too many careless mistakes

I could not forgive my self commits this type of mistakes

Then I decided to watch movie with friends

So that I am able to let go of my result

In the early I thought I already make it

Who know... It's different after reached kk...

Now... Right Now

I'm sitting in front laptop without doing anything for 4 hours

Just stared at the laptop and stare blankly

I'm so disappointed of my self

Regarding my exam's result

I really do not know how to save myself from sinking myself deeply into "black hole"

Later 2pm got QA class

I really scare other same thing will happen on me

What I can do now

Just stay calm and pray

Hope that I'm really able to score better marks

T.T'''

我真的恨死我自己
讨厌死了
我很不明白
我这样做有错吗？
为什么你们就不能体谅我呢

我只想活得开心
没烦恼。。。
我不想因为一点小事而烦

回到家也烦
在宿舍也烦

每天都有烦恼。。。我真的很累
每次都要顾别人的感受，要体谅他们
那我呢
谁来顾我的感受。。。谁能够体谅我
一个都没

发生了很多事 
在这时，我才知道谁是真真的对我好

我每天都告诉自己---不要去在意别人的看法。。。别人的想法
可是我做不到

从第一天写blog，我没试过用那么长的时间来写
这是第一次    我不是不会写
我是不知道要怎么写      太多伤心是要写    真的太多了

我该怎么做？？？
我该如何？？？？

The Truth

If you have feeling for a boy / girl

Tell him or her that you love him / her

Before He / She moves on to next guy

Sometimes you only have one and only one chance to let the male or female to know how you feel

Before he / she moves on

AND

Find another person interesting

EMO

Today I saw him

One week only can saw him once only

We only chat for just 5 minutes every time we meet

but today

He make me so emo 

He saw me today

He din chat with me

Just a simple ''Hello", He even not open his mouth

Make me so emo

I pretended that maybe He is too busy

and does not realised that I am near by him

We does not belong to each other

So what I can do...is just to pretend that we do know each other

like a stranger standing beside each other

Really EMO with it

It's good to be home

It's good to be home.

I love my home

Last two week, I am in trouble and have many problem 

and at that time my best friend, Hong Ee Ling are willing heard my problem

She also give me a lot of advise and a word which it is able to motivate me

Now

She also facing same time as me... a part of university's friends

So, I also did the same thing as she done on me...

we chatting last night

Both of us realized that who is our true friends

and I also realized that home always the best place for me

A best place which full of "love" that I could not gt from outside people

I love my home

I also knew who is exactly my true friends

Hey friends

Let's us fight together ya...  :))

pROBLEM

I'm facing a problem now 

My problem is 

FINANCIAL problem

who can solve my problem

-

University's life

no enough money to use

no money from my parents

-

My banks money going to be shrink like HELL !!!

Problem is not that money

NO money is that problem

headaches (>3<)

everything in this world need money

Is there something that no need money at all...huh ????

-

PekkkCekkk !!!

【真的】

我好像真的喜欢上他了

怎么办

今天发生了一点点小事

因为这件事

我很想讨厌他

如果他对我笑，我就不要对他笑

唉~

我就是做不到

差了啦

我真的不知道我喜欢他那里

又不好看

又不高

有吵死人

我真的，真的，真的...不知道

Most emo day

Today really really emo day for me

The most emo day through out the sem 

I really dont know what had happened to myself

I really angry till I do not know how to explain it

I really sad till I do not know how to express my feeling

Sudden, I do not know what happened to me

Totally no idea!!!!

Weird + Miracle

How is the feeling for fall in love with some one that you love

for me

the feeling is weird

not to said weird is a miracle

I will laugh when he laugh

I will smile when he smile

When he was tired, I will worry about him

When he talk to me, I was so happy

When I could not see him, I was so sad and hope will see him immediately

Is that the feeling for falling in love with some one

I really miss him

Is this show that I am in love with him

I know that he is not my ideal man

but

how come all this weird and miracle feeling will happen to me

At first I think that I'm crazy

Now I still not sure

Need to wait for a time

So, I can determine whether my feeling is right or wrong

I need to find an answer for myself

Happy + sad

Today second test game for amazing race.
Very happy because everyone is so happy with it
This time the test game is better than the first time
Really happy with the result
Hehehehe

One thing that still burden me is my result
I really really regret what I had done in this sem
I'm really unsatisfic with my result
So sad
I promise to myself
Going to work hard next sem

Stress

Today was my last day of exam

Finished it at 10.30 am

Then Bill, Yi Ting, Jia Siew, Chang Lin went to shopping

I was happy because I was enable no shop the entire day

But now

I felt depressed because I'm thinking my result

Thinking what will my reaction be after I knowing my result

Scaring man

Promise to myself...

Next Sem 

Going to study hard to caught up with it

【First Time】

This week was my first time taking exam in University of Malaya

Yesterday it was a first day and I was able to handle it

Today is the second day and it was terrible

I do not know how to answer the question

I'm sad with it

I read all and I try all...I put alot of effort on it

At last, I keep told myself, " It's OK girl. It's was you first time experience this type of exam".

I thought I will able to manage my mood very well

I keep cheer myself up with all the stupid, nonsense, illogical reasons.

Until I express my feeling in the bath room when I was bathing

I cry

Suddenly I cry

I keep blame myself

Keep blaming myself, "WHY I WAS SO STUPID"

I hope that I can have a call to mummy and tell her that your daughter feel so stress 

I hope that I can have a call to mummy and tell her that I want to give up 

I hope that I can have a call to mummy and tell her that I miss her

Am I too stress

Because of...

I aiming too high for my results

or

I trying to maintain my scholarship with the results

I'm trying to find a answer for myself

【随缘】

Do you all know what

I'm in trouble

I'm falling in love with someone

Old people always said that don't ever hate someone u dislike

The more you hate, the more u like him or her

I really in trouble now

I really hate him

but

I don't know why I sudden like him

OHMYGODNESS

I always gossip bad things about him

How can I fall in love with him instate I hate him so much

~aiyo~

 headache

【我爱的人，不是爱我的人】

【寂寞，孤单】

几年的朋友和几十年的朋友
原来在你们心目中
我什么都不是

也许是我想太多了吧
但是...我的自觉告诉我你们真的这样对我
有时我的自觉是对的

你们不是我
你们当然不觉得是自己的错
你们更不会感受到我的苦

你们人多...一个说没错
全部一定也说不是你们的错

错错错...全都是我的错
只从那个人出现后...我们全部都变了
也许对你们来说
谁都没变...变的只有我一个

我永远都是那个人
【寂寞】【孤单】